OCD

is not something you are. it is not just about hating crooked pictures. it is not diagnosed by a quiz on facebook.

it is something you have. it is a disorder Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

stop throwing it around. it's serious. it's a difficult struggle. severe cases can require therapy.

don't decide that you "are OCD" because facebook told you that you are.
because you can't "be" OCD.

thanks.

the woman I want to be.

as a college-age female, there seems to be so much pressure to show the boys that girls can do anything. we are "supposed to" get a degree, or several degrees, and find a career. we are "supposed to" work as hard as we can in that career so we can advance and make lots of money, enough money to support ourselves. we "should not" need to depend on a man for anything.

well, actually, the Savior of the world came as a man. and I depend on Him for my life.

and yes, I do want to have a job when I graduate from college. however, I'm not looking to support myself for the rest of my life. I'm not looking for a career. I'm not wanting to be completely independent. I truly aspire to be a wife and mother. not the weak, submissive wife people seem to think Paul describes, but a strong woman who can have intelligent conversations about all kinds of things: spiritual, academic, parental, spousal, political, everything.


I love making people happy. I like to cook and bake and do laundry and wash dishes.
my room is never clean, but I love cleaning. I like organizing.
I want to do those things for my husband and my children.

I'm not saying that it's wrong for a woman to have a career. that's a great thing for a woman to do.
I think it's great for a woman to be able to support herself. Paul was a huge supporter of singleness. if you are certain that that's God's plan for your life, go for it.
but I won't listen to you if you tell me that what I want to do is wrong. I'm not saying that I have it all figured out. I believe (and was told during a time of prayer) that this semester with be a time of figuring things out and learning about myself and learning about God and what He has planned for me.

I'm not in that group of people that thinks that your life begins when you go to college, or when you graduate from college, or when you move into your own apartment/house/trailer.
my life began over 18 years ago. it's been a journey that will last until the day I die.
and, I hope, my legacy will last after my death. I hope that I can leave a lasting, positive mark on the lives of those around me.

and, that's my idea of what I want for my life.
it's a lot different from what I wanted when I came to school in August.
and it might change by the end of April.
but it's good for right now, and I don't think that it's in contradiction at all with Scripture.

if I'm wrong, let me know.
that's the social part of social media.

jazz: I prefer the concept over the actual music.

it's all about interpretation and improvisation.
creativity and expression.
I'm really impressed when I hear a talented jazz musician.
but I don't really enjoy listening to improvisational jazz.

the idea, though, is wonderful.
making music out of notes and chords that somehow fit together in a way that makes sense.
wow.

one night last semester, while I was still in my prob&stats class, my dad told me that he was praying that God would help me understand the order He created in the universe that is revealed by math.

music kinda reveals order, too. eh, don't ask me about that one. I don't remember a lot about what I've heard about it. but believe me, it's true.
something about what I was talking about with everything fitting together in a certain way.

music, math, order.
God is incredible.
He created everything to work together.
and, yeah, sometimes we mess it up. okay, a lot of times we mess it up.

but the thing about jazz is, it can be fixed. a jazz master can make a bad note sound good.
yes, the bad note still happened, but Someone can make it work, can make it better.

and that's amazing.

so, I don't really like listening to improvisational jazz.
but to think that someone can understand the way music works, the way notes and chords work together...
it boggles my mind. and it's so great.

to the jazz musicians of the world, keep it up. I'm amazed by what you do, even if I don't want to listen to it.

love advice from Seventeen. part three.

the next two page: "How to say 'I love you' (without freaking him out!)"
I just love this one. oh, wait, did it freak out? maybe I used the L-word too soon!!

anyway.

this page includes a checklist! ha! it really makes me laugh that someone would think that checking off four items is enough for a girl to know that she is in love with someone. "he is constantly on your mind." "you have fun with him." "you feel no insecurities." "you're 100-percent certain."

"he is constantly on your mind."
so is a person you're obsessed with.

"you have fun with him."
I have fun with a lot of people.

"you feel no insecurities."
this is important in any friendship.

"you're 100-percent certain."
what does "certain" mean? that you feel right about it. is it all about feelings with Seventeen? because I'm pretty sure that true love isn't about feelings. everything I've heard about true love has said that it's an action, not a feeling. of course, I've never been in love, so I can't speak as an authority on the subject. but it's whatever.

there's another box on the pages that tells you how to say it right.
it does say to wait. "two months or less is too soon!"
yes!! thank you!! finally, some good advice.

it also says to say it after a date, rather than after a fight.
also good advice.

then it says to kiss him. because it "will give him a second to gather his thoughts--so he can get the guts to say it back!" um. well. I hope he doesn't really have to think about it. honestly, I'd like the guy to say it first. I'm not saying that the guy must say it first, just that it would be nice.

nor am I saying that I'm an authority on this subject. I'm just a kid who has watched too many kids throw away their innocence and pride.
also, I have strong opinions, and I have a blog.

dear Seventeen Magazine,
I'm disappointed. virginity is not relative and it's not something to speak so casually about. love is a serious subject and cannot be decided by a checklist. the way a girl feels about herself should not be decided by the way a guy feels about her.
I canceled my subscription because your magazine is annoying and degrading. yep. degrading. and I know that I owe you $10. you'll get it eventually. I promise.

love,
Hope Swanson

love advice from Seventeen. part two.

next page: "your most personal sex questions."
yippee!


question: "my boyfriend wants to have anal sex--he says I'll still be a virgin. is that true?"


initial reaction: he's a boy. he wants to get into your pants. he'll tell you anything.
plus, anal sex? really? so gross.


the answer says that virginity is "what's right for you."
it also mentions the fact that, although it will not result in pregnancy, anal sex can result in HIV and other STDs.
and that the girl is allowed to say "no" to her boyfriend.

I hope the girl was able to resist his approaches until she got her copy of the magazine.

this entire page just made me very angry.
and a little hopeless for teenage girls.

love advice from Seventeen. part one.

which, naturally, follows the pages about getting "your hottest body."
these pages usually are followed by a letter from Body Peace expert Jess Weiner about being comfortable and happy with the way you look. I've always (since I started receiving the magazine) thought that the Body Peace Treaty was about being okay with your own body, and not caring about how other people thought about you.

apparently, I'm wrong. the February issue the Body Peace page is about "what guys really think of your body."
"soft is feminine!" (to that I say, "what does 'feminine' actually mean?)
"less is more!" (about his "good female friend" who keeps dyeing her hair.)
"we like your butt!" (he loves his girlfriend's big butt. "That said, if a girl has a flat butt, that's fine too. I'd probably just notice the other beautiful parts about her--her eyes or her smile." or her beautiful personality? or sense of humor?)
"we love any size breasts!" (at least this guy admits that his first reaction is a "mix of lust and curiosity.")
and "bashing your body is a turnoff!" (this one is less annoying, but it seems critical of the way a girl feels.)

are you telling me that I should be at peace with my body because guys are looking at me and wanting me? sorry, but that's not the kind of guy I want. I mean, yeah, it's nice to get noticed for the way I look, but I don't want that to be the reason he wants to hang out with me. and I admit, I do have some self-esteem issues. but they don't take over my life, and they rarely hold me back from anything.

Owl City.

this goes out to everyone who "LOVES Owl City" after only hearing "Fireflies."

please, people, Owl City is pretty much one guy. did you know that?

also, did you know that he's been around for more than six months? yeah, his first album came out in 2007.

another thing, his songs start to sound the same after a while. they're still pretty good, there's just not a whole lot of variety.

don't get me wrong, I like Owl City.

please don't decide that you love a band after hearing one of their songs. that's like love at first sight. which is called lust. it's like musical sin.
do some research. go beyond the disco ball that's just hanging by a thread.
discover the happy-all-the-time that is Owl City.
take another step and discover The Ready Set. similar music making technique, more variety. and they've toured with BoysLikeGirls.
and are more or less from Fort Wayne.

and that's about all I have to say about that.