hugs and words.

1. I don't initiate hugs very often.

It's not that I don't like them, it's just a part of my insecurities.
And I haven't been around many huggy people for the past couple of weeks.
I have gone full days without a hug.
The problem is, physical contact is important to mental health.

2. I like being told that I am good at something.
I like being told that I'm pretty.
I like being told that I'm talented.
I like being validated.
I know that I have value regardless of what people say about me, but it's good to know that others realize that value.

3. I took the Five Love Languages Assessment for Singles last night.
Not surprisingly, Words of Affirmation was my highest score (10/12).
But physical touch was one of the lowest (4/12).
I think that this is because of the way the questions were phrased, but I still find it strange.
(Receiving Gifts was the second highest at 8/12, Quality Time came in at 6/12, and Acts of Service was the lowest score at 2/12.)

4. Another thing I noticed about the assessment was that I give love in very different ways than I receive it.
I don't like it when people do things for me: I gladly do things for others and for myself.
And I'm not very good at giving gifts or making an effort to spend time with people.

This is one of those informational/journal-esque posts.
Take it however you want.

Dinner Party

On Saturday I got up around 10:00.
I took a shower and then jumped right into making dinner.

After several requests for food, I decided that I was going to make a big dinner this weekend.
I invited a bunch of people, but not all of them came.
That ended up being a very good thing, because we would have completely run out of food.

I decided on a menu of BBQ chicken pizza, salad, and a dessert.
I made a wild decision to make lemon bars. I had never made them before and didn't know how they'd be received. I'll get back to that.

This morning started with the filling for the bars (I made the crust the night before).
While they were in the oven, I made pizza dough.
A real project, that was. I figured I needed enough to feed 15 people, so I made the recipe in two separate bowls at the same time but could only bake one at a time.
I stacked them and left them for the afternoon.

By this time it was 2:00.

Brok was visiting Luke and Kevin and they were in the Acorn.
So I went over there to finally eat lunch and hang out.
We went to the first half of the soccer game and then decided to go get bubble tea.
Pineapple-Green Tea with tapioca pearls and jellies. I recommend it.

When we got back to campus, Casey (whose new nickname is Queso) needed to get stuff from Brok's truck, and Brok wanted to see our house (specifically the crawlspace).
While we were standing the the Oakwood/Slater parking lot, Keelan joined us.
Queso was giving Brok a tour of the house and Kevin, Keelan and I were talking about dinner.
I told them that I had made lemon bars
WHAT!?!
Lemon bars are Keelan and Kevin's favorite dessert. That fact was enough to make my day.
YES! They'd be well-received!
And to make me really nervous. Like I said before, I had never tried to make lemon bars before, so I didn't know how they'd turned out.
It was my Great-Grammy Swanson's recipe, doubled.
The ended up being pretty delicious, albeit not very lemony.
I'll adjust that next time.

Anywho, we got back a little before 6:00, so I had an hour to put the pizzas together, cut the lemon bars, prep the salad, change, and do a quick-clean of the living room and my desk.

I looked very cute for my very first dinner party.
And we had a great time.
But I need a new pizza crust recipe.

I am so thankful for new and old friends and for food and for laughter and for living in a house with a full kitchen and for my Great-Grammy Swanson and for Ben Rector and for soccer games and for bubble tea and for busy Saturdays that I can now look back on and smile.

Oh yeah, and I am now Auntie Hope. Like, AWHN-tee.
Yeah. I'm thankful for that, too.

"boys might be coming over."

That announcement is made almost every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday in our house.

Two weeks and two days ago, I visited Oakwood to find my friends Luke and Kevin.
I ended up meeting their friends Keelan and Christian, among others.
I had made cupcakes and I invited them over.
They didn't come that night.
I made more cupcakes on Saturday and they all came over on Sunday.

Boy, did they get more than cupcakes.
We had them move our entertainment center, beast of a thing, and wedge our TV into it.
And then Kevin discovered a trapdoor in one of our hall closets.

So Casey, Melisa, Keelan, and I explored.
The door leads to a crawlspace that goes under our entire house, North and South sides.
It's all sand and spider webs and probably the skunk that hangs out around the house.
We had a great time down there, tormenting our neighbors by pounding on their floor, taking pictures, and just sitting in the dark and dirtiness.
We also found some old newspapers and books and other assorted junk.
A song was written about this adventure.
If we're facebook friends, or you're friends with Casey, you can check it out.

I don't think any boys came over last weekend, because it was a weird weekend of most of us being gone.

But there were guys here every night this weekend.

Friday, after the soccer game, Luke, Christian, and a guy named Jeremy came over and we and Casey watched 'Transformers."
It was the first time I'd seen it.
And I didn't really pay attention, so I don't get it at all.

Last night, I went to dinner with a group of friends that included to guys.
We came back here for a brownie-marshmallow dessert that I had made.
(That's part of the reason why the guys came over on Friday, too.)

And tonight Kevin, Keelan, Christian, and Sean came over for the mocha cupcakes I made this afternoon.

It's just fun to have boys over, especially these ones.
They're smart, they're funny, no one's trying to impress anyone else.
It's just a good time for all of us.
And it includes baked goods, so everyone's happy.

But I have a tip jar now, in order to fund my habit. :-)

Next weekend, I'm making dinner.

Labor Day Weekend.

I was sitting at a wedding a week ago.
It was the only reason I went home for Labor Day.
I came back on Sunday, not taking advantage of an extra day to spend with my friends and family.

I had a couple hours with a few of my friends from home.
I had some time with my parents.
It was a good weekend.

On Sunday, the International Student Fellowship had a cook-out to kick off the school year.
No, I am not an international student. But the ISF welcomes other students so that we can all teach each other about our various cultures.
We had a great time.
I don't remember what else I did on Sunday.
Homework, maybe?
I went to Shupe and watched about half of "The Princess and the Frog."
And slept on our couch, but I'm not sure why.

Monday was a delight.
I slept until at least 10:00, lounged around for a couple hours, made tacos for my lunch, and then came over to SG.
(That's where I am right now, of course.)
Melisa and I talked and did homework and watched people work at the store next door for a couple hours.
Back to the house, then to the Acorn, then to downtown South Bend with Casey.
The three of us wanted to go to the South Bend Chocolate Cafe.
It was closed, because it was Labor Day. Duh.
So we wandered around taking pictures. It was a bit ridiculous. And incredibly fun.

Grocery store, movie night, more homework, sleep.

It was a fantastic and refreshing weekend.

the third time is not always the charm.

I am a relatively honest blogger.
I've realized that there is no point in hiding everything from my readers, even if they live in Germany.
(I still wonder who my German readers might be.)
So I applied to blog for my college.
Part of the application was a sample post.

Here's what I wrote:

"A fresh start. A clean slate. A new beginning.

That’s my approach to this school year.

After the summer that I’ve had, it’s the only option.

I’m living in a campus house with a group of people I don’t know very well, without the obligations I had last year.

I can’t wait to jump into a new routine with new classes and new opportunities.

But it’s not without apprehension.

I’m a junior, so I should have some idea of what I’m going to do after graduation, right?

Well, not really.

Get a job?

Get married (difficult, because I’m thoroughly single)?

Go to grad school?

Go to culinary school?

I don’t know.

So I’m going to explore my options and try new things.

And I hope you come along with me on this journey."

I didn't get the job.

And I'm sure that there are many reasons why those who did get the job got it and why I didn't, other than for this particular writing sample, but I'm a little upset.

My dad says that this post is too honest.

And I suppose I understand that.

But I'm feeling a little under-appreciated when it comes to my writing.

This is a really good post.

And I have some pretty impressive marketing skills.

I could sell this college if I had to.

I have applied for this gig three times now.

And have received the same rejection email.

(In fact, this year's was not updated to accommodate for the new school year.)

I wanted it.

I wanted to get paid to talk about my life at school.

I have hilarious stories to tell.

And I can tell them well, while shedding a positive light on the college.

That's what I did as a tour guide.

But I'd get to sit behind a computer instead of talking to an actual person.

So, I'm going to talk more about life at Bethel on the blog this year.

I'm going to bring y'all on my journey.

I'm going to start using tags on my posts.

But right now, I'm going to bed.

Melisa and I are going to Starbucks tomorrow, because it's the first day of Pumpkin Spice.

Then I have tennis class, ten minutes, and then US History.

I will sit in a corner and drink my latte quietly, trying to keep my sweaty stench from spreading through the lecture hall.

Pleasant, right.

Good night, readers.

Life Update August 2011

So, I haven't been very biographical when it comes to my posts lately, other than the series.
This is an update between the end of sophomore year and now (the beginning of junior year).

May: Spent a week and a half at home before crossing the Atlantic to spend two weeks in Great Britain. That will be a series of posts sometime. In short, it was amazing.
Came home and got some sad news.

June: Celebrated my Grandma Swanson's 80th birthday with our whole family.
Grandpa Swanson went into the hospital.
Grandma Swanson stayed with us for a weekend.
Grandpa Swanson died.
We went to Illinois for the visitation and funeral.
We went to Wisconsin for the graveside service and funeral.

July: My parents spent a week in Texas and Oklahoma for Missionary Church General Conference.
I spent that week alone in our house, carrying a knife with me every time I went upstairs.
I worked with our youth group.
I led worship on Thursday nights for our college group.
I was numb.
I was infatuated.
I was weary.

August: Repeat most of July.
Harry Potter marathon.
School.

And here we are at a new chapter.
Childhood has ended.
The reality of mortality has finally struck my heart and mind.
I have learned and I am learning.
I have grown and I am growing.
I am trusting and leaning and surrendering.

And that is a glimpse at how my life is right now.

Also, I'm sitting on our window sill breathing the night air, listening to Adele and cicadas and the cars on Logan St., smelling the cupcakes I made today, wishing I didn't have so much reading to do for classes, and waiting for friends to come over.

"The Church"

I am guilty of much of what I'm about to talk about.
I acknowledge this and I am trying to change.

The other night I was with a group of people. One of them shared that he had recently talked to a group of strangers about their experiences in "the church." For all of them, "the church" had been a negative experience. They said that "the church" was full of people who were nit-picky and pushed others away for not being perfect. My friend was so upset by this.

I think that many "church people" are upset by the "world's" view of "the church."
But we forget that we are a part of "the church."
We forget that it is "the church's" responsibility to show people Jesus Christ.
And that is not nit-picky.
God wants people to respond to His love.
People won't respond to His love unless it is shown to them.
And it is not shown unless it is unconditional.
Salvation comes before sanctification.
Salvation is for all.

The goal of Christianity is the peaceful annihilation of all other religions.
"The church" has turned itself into a religion. We have turned perfection into a religion because it is what we expect of ourselves.
And, I think, it is what God wants of us. (He knows that it is impossible, but that is why He gives us grace and mercy.)
But we as Christians cannot hold everyone to the standards to which we hold ourselves.
And we cannot forget that not everyone grows or learns in the same way and on the same timeline.
It is unfair for us to expect a non-Christian to understand that their sin is something that should be eradicated.
And baby Christians cannot be expected to immediately drop every sinful habit.
Dropping sinful habits is a part of sanctification.
And sanctification is a process.

But I think that we as "the church" don't always remember this.
At least not in American culture, where we expect everything to happen instantly.

We are "the church" that we so often criticize.
Let's stop criticizing and start changing.
Let's show love the way Jesus did.
Let's not be afraid to eat with tax collectors and sinners.

Let's show that "the church" knows that God is the judge and we are not.