I said at the end of my senior year that dating would soon stop being "high school dating," and start being just dating. I would be able to date anyone (within my God-based standards), I would have more freedom, dating would be more serious.
oh dear. I was still so much in high school.
tonight, Foster talked about what we as humans crave.
he emphasized the first two words of verse 32 (NIV) "Jesus stopped."
he told us that Jesus had stopped for us and was ready to listen.
it wasn't about asking for whatever we wanted.
it was about asking for what we needed deep down, beyond all the surface stuff.
I have realized in the past couple of days that I have created a space in my heart that I needed God to fill. (this is not the space that He filled long ago when I accepted Jesus as my Savior.)
my first best friend was a boy named Matthew Smith.
(he had red hair, this started my love for children with red hair.
and my hesitation to be friends with redheads.)
(this was when we lived in Goshen.)
(I also have this thing about soccer players and their calves.
I've grown up watching soccer. it's amazing how much our childhood affects us.)
summer 1996, he moved to Michigan
a few months later, I moved to Fort Wayne.
I made a new guy friend.
we were going to get married.
then he completely ditched me.
my life has been full of stories like that and it has all but ruined me.
for the past several years, so much of what I have been about, so much of my identity, has been centered on guys: whether or not I have a boyfriend, who I have liked, who has liked me. it has been horrible. living inside my head has been terrible for me.
so, tonight, I asked God to fill the space that I had opened up for love from a guy.
I felt God saying "I love you. I will love you with the kind of love you need. not amorous, perverse, lustful love, but real, true, eternal love."
and that's all I need for now.
He has made that clear.
I came to school planning to not date first semester.
my mom's Aunt Ellen and my Grandma (Dad's mom) told me, independently of each other, that we'd be planning my wedding in eight years.
I'm not much for signs but I think I can accept that as reasonable.
I know, it seems to me that that's an awfully long time to wait.
but now it seems to make sense.
especially if I'm not going to date for the next four years.
I'm not saying that I'm giving up dating.
or that I won't want to date.
or that anyone shouldn't pursue me. (ha! right. it's only the third full week. please don't pursue me now. if anyone was planning to.)
I'm only saying that God is enough for me.
and if He doesn't want me to date, I won't date.
oh dear. I was still so much in high school.
tonight, Foster talked about what we as humans crave.
- love and acceptance that are free
- love that will not abandon us
- a reason to go on.
he emphasized the first two words of verse 32 (NIV) "Jesus stopped."
he told us that Jesus had stopped for us and was ready to listen.
it wasn't about asking for whatever we wanted.
it was about asking for what we needed deep down, beyond all the surface stuff.
I have realized in the past couple of days that I have created a space in my heart that I needed God to fill. (this is not the space that He filled long ago when I accepted Jesus as my Savior.)
my first best friend was a boy named Matthew Smith.
(he had red hair, this started my love for children with red hair.
and my hesitation to be friends with redheads.)
(this was when we lived in Goshen.)
(I also have this thing about soccer players and their calves.
I've grown up watching soccer. it's amazing how much our childhood affects us.)
summer 1996, he moved to Michigan
a few months later, I moved to Fort Wayne.
I made a new guy friend.
we were going to get married.
then he completely ditched me.
my life has been full of stories like that and it has all but ruined me.
for the past several years, so much of what I have been about, so much of my identity, has been centered on guys: whether or not I have a boyfriend, who I have liked, who has liked me. it has been horrible. living inside my head has been terrible for me.
so, tonight, I asked God to fill the space that I had opened up for love from a guy.
I felt God saying "I love you. I will love you with the kind of love you need. not amorous, perverse, lustful love, but real, true, eternal love."
and that's all I need for now.
He has made that clear.
I came to school planning to not date first semester.
my mom's Aunt Ellen and my Grandma (Dad's mom) told me, independently of each other, that we'd be planning my wedding in eight years.
I'm not much for signs but I think I can accept that as reasonable.
I know, it seems to me that that's an awfully long time to wait.
but now it seems to make sense.
especially if I'm not going to date for the next four years.
I'm not saying that I'm giving up dating.
or that I won't want to date.
or that anyone shouldn't pursue me. (ha! right. it's only the third full week. please don't pursue me now. if anyone was planning to.)
I'm only saying that God is enough for me.
and if He doesn't want me to date, I won't date.
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