When I say, "I am a Christian," I'm not shouting, "I've been saved!"
I'm whispering, "I get lost! That's why I chose this way"
When I say, "I am a Christian," I don't speak with human pride
I'm confessing that I stumble-needing God to be my guide
When I say, "I am a Christian," I'm not trying to be strong
I'm professing that I'm weak and pray for strength to carry on
When I say, "I am a Christian," I'm not bragging of success
I'm admitting that I've failed and cannot ever pay the debt
When I say, "I am a Christian," I don't think I know it all
I submit to my confusion asking humbly to be taught
When I say, "I am a Christian," I'm not claiming to be perfect
My flaws are far too visible but God believes I'm worth it
When I say, "I am a Christian," I still feel the sting of pain
I have my share of heartache which is why I seek His name
When I say, "I am a Christian," I do not wish to judge
I have no authority--I only know I'm loved
Copyright 1988 Carol Wimmer
21 November 2009
16 November 2009
for Faith, on her birthday.
twenty-one.
it's the winning score in Black Jack,
but gambling is against the rules.
it's the legal drinking age,
but that's not allowed, either.
so, how will your life change this year?
what will you make different?
you get to decide.
you have twenty-one for 365 days.
what will you do with it?
twenty-two will come sooner than you think.
live well this year.
love your life.
work hard.
pray often.
trust Him.
happy birthday, friend.
thanks for letting me be a part of it.
it's the winning score in Black Jack,
but gambling is against the rules.
it's the legal drinking age,
but that's not allowed, either.
so, how will your life change this year?
what will you make different?
you get to decide.
you have twenty-one for 365 days.
what will you do with it?
twenty-two will come sooner than you think.
live well this year.
love your life.
work hard.
pray often.
trust Him.
happy birthday, friend.
thanks for letting me be a part of it.
13 November 2009
weddings.
Lately I've been thinking about my wedding a lot more than is healthy. I know that I want my bridal party to dance to "Save the Last Dance for Me" (the Michael Buble version). I want to get married in October so we can dance to "Moondance" and have it make sense. Also, I'm pretty sure that I want to wear my mom's dress and it has sleeves, so the thought of a summer wedding is not exactly thrilling. I've thought vaguely about flowers and colors and bridesmaids and their dresses and a honeymoon and as long as we both shall live. I know that this isn't fair to the other half of "we," but I just want this part of my future to show up.
Why am I thinking about weddings if I don't have a boyfriend? Because my research paper partner is getting married in about a month, my brother is getting married in about seven months, and my roommate is getting married in a little more than four years. And there are several other engaged couples on campus and at home. I want to be a part of this. I can't help but be jealous. Part of it, I think, is not wanting to have a long engagement. I want to know that "we're" getting married for a long time before there's a ring on my finger. I want to have my wedding planned so I can just drag and drop the guy God has for me into the mental pictures. This makes it sound like I'm very impersonal about it. This is simply not true. I know that there is a guy out there somewhere who will love me even if I have our entire wedding planned. Actually, he'll love me extra for not making him do much for the wedding. (I've learned things from the conversations I've heard between Andrew and Allie.)
I think I'll feel better about all of this when I stop avoiding dating. I just want to get excited about going out with a guy. But I will not enter a dating relationship casually. I have very specific standards, and I will not change them for anyone.
I'm not sure why I'm posting all of this for all the world to see, but I guess it's not a completely private matter. If you feel that you've wasted your time by reading this, well, I'd say that it's your own fault. Stop reading now. I'm certainly going to stop writing now, and hope that the neighbors' alarm stops going off so I can sleep.
good night,
Hope
Why am I thinking about weddings if I don't have a boyfriend? Because my research paper partner is getting married in about a month, my brother is getting married in about seven months, and my roommate is getting married in a little more than four years. And there are several other engaged couples on campus and at home. I want to be a part of this. I can't help but be jealous. Part of it, I think, is not wanting to have a long engagement. I want to know that "we're" getting married for a long time before there's a ring on my finger. I want to have my wedding planned so I can just drag and drop the guy God has for me into the mental pictures. This makes it sound like I'm very impersonal about it. This is simply not true. I know that there is a guy out there somewhere who will love me even if I have our entire wedding planned. Actually, he'll love me extra for not making him do much for the wedding. (I've learned things from the conversations I've heard between Andrew and Allie.)
I think I'll feel better about all of this when I stop avoiding dating. I just want to get excited about going out with a guy. But I will not enter a dating relationship casually. I have very specific standards, and I will not change them for anyone.
I'm not sure why I'm posting all of this for all the world to see, but I guess it's not a completely private matter. If you feel that you've wasted your time by reading this, well, I'd say that it's your own fault. Stop reading now. I'm certainly going to stop writing now, and hope that the neighbors' alarm stops going off so I can sleep.
good night,
Hope
09 November 2009
my rings.
I have loved wearing rings for years. I'm not sure why, I just know that my fingers feel naked without them.
(although, I like the look of my bare fingers sometimes. I haven't worn nail polish much since August.)
I wear three rings that have significance to me and my life.
Purity Ring: this is fairly obvious. I'm not going to have sex before I am married, and I will only have sex with my husband. God gave me my body. it is the temple of the Holy Spirit. I will not allow it to be defiled.
Hearts: this ring has taken on meaning in the past few months. my post about not dating and the process that got me to that point was difficult. but I believe that God has a man for me. He will show him to me in His own time. for now, God is enough. the ring reminds me that I will find him someday and we will fall in love. like, real love. with God at the center.
The Rock: I have a ring that looks like the engagement ring I want someday. I got it at Walmart for about $9. it's beautiful, even though it's tarnishing right now. I am obsessed with the idea of a beautiful wedding when the bride of Christ (the Church) will be united for Eternity with her Bridegroom. it might just be a metaphor, but I like to believe that it will be real. I have such a vivid picture in my mind of that moment. I imagine a door being opened and uniting with all the believers in walking down the aisle to meet Jesus. I am so excited for that day. I wrote a song about it. I believe that it will be glorious.
so, that's what my rings are about.
I also have a mood ring that I move around between my right thumb and my index fingers. it's what I do when I'm bored.
thanks for reading.
(although, I like the look of my bare fingers sometimes. I haven't worn nail polish much since August.)
I wear three rings that have significance to me and my life.
Purity Ring: this is fairly obvious. I'm not going to have sex before I am married, and I will only have sex with my husband. God gave me my body. it is the temple of the Holy Spirit. I will not allow it to be defiled.
Hearts: this ring has taken on meaning in the past few months. my post about not dating and the process that got me to that point was difficult. but I believe that God has a man for me. He will show him to me in His own time. for now, God is enough. the ring reminds me that I will find him someday and we will fall in love. like, real love. with God at the center.
The Rock: I have a ring that looks like the engagement ring I want someday. I got it at Walmart for about $9. it's beautiful, even though it's tarnishing right now. I am obsessed with the idea of a beautiful wedding when the bride of Christ (the Church) will be united for Eternity with her Bridegroom. it might just be a metaphor, but I like to believe that it will be real. I have such a vivid picture in my mind of that moment. I imagine a door being opened and uniting with all the believers in walking down the aisle to meet Jesus. I am so excited for that day. I wrote a song about it. I believe that it will be glorious.
so, that's what my rings are about.
I also have a mood ring that I move around between my right thumb and my index fingers. it's what I do when I'm bored.
thanks for reading.
03 November 2009
trusting God and dropping Spanish.
In the past couple of days I have struggled with lining up my plan for my life with God's plan for my life. Pastor Seth's sermon on Sunday was about surrender, as described by the second line of the Lord's Prayer: "Your kingdom come, Your will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven." Lindsey's chapel sermon yesterday was also about surrender and trust, and this morning at Bible study we were talking about Esther and the incredible about of trust she must have had in God that gave her the courage to go before the king.
For the past two months, I have been baking and sharing the food with anyone who wanted it. On Saturday night Jamie was at Antigone. She had asked me to get her laundry out of the dryer for her. I decided to go one step further and put it away. The next afternoon, I was doing my own laundry, realizing how much I don't mind it. I have always had maternal tendencies, and have felt more mature than people my age typically are. I began to wonder whether God's plan for me actually included a career, or was just for me to stay at home with my children (when I have them. after I get married.). I wasn't sure that I should even stay in school, or stay full time. I talked to a few people about this and prayed about it. After telling my entire block, the Bible study girls, my roommate and her fiance, and a friend from high school, I figured it was time to talk to my parents. We agreed that I was called to Bethel. I explained my feelings about my different classes. I'm particularly not enjoying my Spanish class.
I initially decided on Bethel because of the Spanish Education program. It was a total "God Moment" for me, and I had no doubts that this was the place for me. A few months later, I dropped the education part. Then I added English Ed. People often tell me that they're jealous of me for already knowing my two majors in my first semester. Little did they know of the internal conflict I was dealing with. I felt like I couldn't drop the Spanish because it was my "reason for being here." I was planning on going to the DR because I was a Spanish major, rather than going on the PacRim trip, which is what I really want to do. Talking to my parents tonight I realized that God's purpose for me is my reason for being here, not Spanish. He led me to this school. He knows what He's doing. All I can do is trust. After I decided to drop Spanish, I had such a feeling of peace. There is no question in my mind that I should be at Bethel College. I'll probably stay here for four years. If that's what God has planned for me, I'm okay with it.
We'll see whether I stick with the English Education major. I'm considering Liberal Studies with concentrations in English/Literature, music, theatre, and possibly Spanish. All I can do is trust.
For the past two months, I have been baking and sharing the food with anyone who wanted it. On Saturday night Jamie was at Antigone. She had asked me to get her laundry out of the dryer for her. I decided to go one step further and put it away. The next afternoon, I was doing my own laundry, realizing how much I don't mind it. I have always had maternal tendencies, and have felt more mature than people my age typically are. I began to wonder whether God's plan for me actually included a career, or was just for me to stay at home with my children (when I have them. after I get married.). I wasn't sure that I should even stay in school, or stay full time. I talked to a few people about this and prayed about it. After telling my entire block, the Bible study girls, my roommate and her fiance, and a friend from high school, I figured it was time to talk to my parents. We agreed that I was called to Bethel. I explained my feelings about my different classes. I'm particularly not enjoying my Spanish class.
I initially decided on Bethel because of the Spanish Education program. It was a total "God Moment" for me, and I had no doubts that this was the place for me. A few months later, I dropped the education part. Then I added English Ed. People often tell me that they're jealous of me for already knowing my two majors in my first semester. Little did they know of the internal conflict I was dealing with. I felt like I couldn't drop the Spanish because it was my "reason for being here." I was planning on going to the DR because I was a Spanish major, rather than going on the PacRim trip, which is what I really want to do. Talking to my parents tonight I realized that God's purpose for me is my reason for being here, not Spanish. He led me to this school. He knows what He's doing. All I can do is trust. After I decided to drop Spanish, I had such a feeling of peace. There is no question in my mind that I should be at Bethel College. I'll probably stay here for four years. If that's what God has planned for me, I'm okay with it.
We'll see whether I stick with the English Education major. I'm considering Liberal Studies with concentrations in English/Literature, music, theatre, and possibly Spanish. All I can do is trust.
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