am I nineteen or thirty-eight?

I am an Independent Sales Representative for AVON. (You can shop my online store here.)

I drive a white, 1997 Chevrolet Venture. It has a Fort Wayne Select Soccer sticker peeling off of the back window. The driver side window doesn't work.The air conditioning doesn't work.

While I drive said Soccer Mom Van, I often play a CD of Frank Sinatra music. I turn the volume up. I put down the window that works.

Sometimes I play one of my mix CDs. They include music by The Ready Set, Straight No Chaser, Owl City, and Michael Buble, plus a few songs from Glee and Fame. The volume is inappropriately high, and I sing at the top of my lungs (yes, I'm one of those people who sings when she's driving alone).

I totally want to be a soccer mom, and I'll be the proud owner of a Honda Odyssey. For now, I'll just confuse people.

am I twelve or nineteen?

I recently wrote out a Two Month Plan for getting the guy I like. A friend and I decided that one of our goals for the summer would be to end up with boyfriends, and we would do this by implementing Two Month Plans. Mine is very specific, albeit embarrassing, but easily accomplished.

However, I can’t do any of it if the guy doesn’t cooperate, and it is unfair for me to expect him to take part in my immature crusade. I’m nineteen years old, for crying out loud. I should know by now that these things don’t work. How many teenage romantic comedies have I seen? Answer: enough to know that my attempt will be futile. Oh, I know that the girl always gets the guy or the guy always gets the girl. But that’s the way it is in movies. That’s not real life.

As I place unreasonable expectations on this guy, I place the same expectations on God. Why should He follow my plan? I talk all the time about the importance of the opposite kind of following. Romantic relationships, though, have been my biggest power struggle. I want it to go my way. I have imagined each step of my plan, and it is wonderful. But who am I to decide what our future should be? I am no one. If we are to have a journey together, it will be our journey, not just mine. And if we do it the way we ought, it will be directed by God, not by us.

I must learn how to be content. As much as I want more, I must learn how to be satisfied with a friendship. Most importantly, I must seek God first. If I seek Him above all else, His will will be done. If a romantic relationship is His will for the next two months of my life, that’s awesome. If I’m going to stay single for the next 30 years, I know that He will teach me how to be more completely satisfied by Him.

The first and only item on my Two Month Plan must be to seek God and God alone.

Miracles.

I’ve been reading through the complete published works of C.S. Lewis this summer, and one of the books I’m working on right now is God in the Dock. It’s a collection of Lewis’ essays, articles, and interviews regarding theology.

In the section titled “Miracles,” Jack points out something excellent: “There is an activity of God displayed throughout creation, a wholesale activity let us say which men refuse to recognize. The miracles done by God incarnate, living as a man in Palestine, perform the very same things as this wholesale activity, but at a different speed and on a smaller scale…God creates the vine and teaches it to draw up water by its roots and, with the aid of the sun, to turn that water into a juice which will ferment and take on certain qualities. Thus every year, from Noah’s time till ours, God turns water into wine…But when Christ at Cana makes water into wine, the mask is off. The miracle has only half its effect if it only convinces us that Christ is God: it will have its full effect if whenever we see a vineyard or drink a glass of wine we remember that here works He who sat at the wedding party in Cana.”

He continues by talking about making “a little corn into much corn” and comparing it to Jesus feeding crowds with just a few loaves of bread and a few fish.

Humans of past ages attributed these activities to gods of wine and Corn Kings. Miracles, however, simply speed up the process. Miracles don’t necessarily defy the laws of nature; they simply defy our understanding of those laws.

I think of Nate Pelz. He was in a huge amount of pain and his life was in danger. The doctors, however, performed surgery and removed the tumor from Nate’s abdomen. The human body can heal itself. Blood clots to protect cuts, blisters form to cover irritated skin, antibodies attack infections. But Nate’s body wasn’t healing quickly, and surgery was the only logical choice in order to save his life. I do believe that God worked a miracle in that operating room, and that Nate is alive (and home) today because of God’s mighty hand. However, I don’t think that God did anything that completely abnormal or inconceivable. God chose to heal Nate through medicine.


I'm not great at conclusions. I never have been. So, this is the end of this post.

"what's the name of his other leg?" and other internet pet peeves.

1. "I know a man with a wooden leg named Smith." -from Disney's "Mary Poppins."
No. You know a man named Smith, who has a wooden leg.
I bet you all thought it was a joke. It's actually a commentary on one of the most frustrating grammatical errors: the misplaced modifier. "A misplaced modifier is a word, phrase, or clause that is improperly separated from the word it modifies / describes." -Margaret L. Benner


Simple fix? Reread what you just wrote. Does it make sense? Because you wrote it and you know what you meant to say, it probably does. So read it again. Make sure the adjective (word or phrase) describes what you want it to describe.
Here's an article from Grammar Girl on the subject.

2. This is a photo of Heather and William. If one of them had put it on facebook, they might have used the caption "Heather and I" or "William and I." This would have driven me crazy. If you can't figure out why, take the "Heather and" or the "William and" away from the rest of the phrase. You are left with "I." This is not an acceptable way of describing the subject of a photo. You would say "me." The correct caption, had either of these two wonderful people put this photo on facebook, would have been "Heather and me" or "William and me."




3. Someone commenting on this photo might think that it's (not its) adorable. He or she (not they) might say "awe! you guys are so cute!" Oh my word. NO! Not that they're not cute. It's just that "awe" means "an overwhelming feeling of reverence, admiration, fear, etc., produced by that which is grand, sublime, extremely powerful, or the like." (definition from Dictionary.com) The correct spelling of an exclamation of cuteness is "aww." Or "awwwwww." or "AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!" The length is up to the writer.


4. If you are going to make a complete sentence out of your facebook status, at least keep your subject/point of view consistent. An example of a bad facebook status: "Hope Elizabeth Swanson is hoping that I don't offend anyone with her new blog post." Who is this "I" to whom Hope is referring? Let's try to clarify, shall we? "Hope Elizabeth Swanson hopes that she doesn't offend anyone with her new blog post." or "Hope Elizabeth Swanson I hope I don't offend anyone with my new blog post." See how it didn't seem like I was hoping that facebook didn't offend anyone with my new blog post?

5. Apostrophes don't make things plural. Apostrophes show possession or they take the place of letters in a contraction. I hang out with my friends, not my friend's. I live at my parents' house. I don't have a boyfriend.

The above are simply matters of correct English. This post, as whiny as it may sound, is not entirely personal. It's about apparent intelligence (not actual intelligence, mind you. Facebook is a terrible source if you are trying to determine whether or not a person is intelligent.).

Well, I have C.S. Lewis to read. Eventually I'll get around to writing about it. By "eventually," I probably mean tomorrow. You can read about my journey with Jack at hopefulbooks.blogspot.com.

he still has to watch the director

A few months ago, my dad wrote about Dr. Reg Klopfenstein, a professor of instrumental music at Bethel. Now it's my turn to write about him.

On April 17 I went to the Spring Band Concert. Dr. Klopfenstein was playing timpani, I think. He knows how to do music. He knows how to do percussion. As I watched him play (he was in the center of my line of vision), I saw him look up at the director, Dr. Michael Kendall. As a musician, I appreciated this.

As talented and knowledgeable as Dr. Klopfenstein is, he still has to watch the director. He still needs to get the beat from someone.

I knew right away that this was going to turn into a post. That's the kind of person I have become since August. My dad does the same thing.

As I thought about what kind of post it would be, I realized that it was an easy metaphor. So here we go.

Do I really need to explain who is represented by each of the professors? I don't think so.

It doesn't matter who we are. It doesn't matter how many degrees in theology we have or how high we are in church leadership or how many people look up to us as spiritual people. We can't be content with textbook knowledge. We must continue to commune with the Director. We must look to Him for the beat of our lives. He knows exactly what the song is supposed to sound like. His arrangement is the best, the original. Better than any remix we could come up with.

a day in the life of this bridesmaid.

12:30am-Go to bed after a good day of decorating, a successful rehearsal at the outdoor location (Lakeside Rose Gardens), and a delicious dinner at Flat Top Grill.

9:00am-Wake up to discover that it's raining. Say a quick but earnest prayer that it goes away. Let the dog out, eat breakfast.

9:30am-Get dressed, straighten hair, drink some coffee.

10:10am-Bride and two other bridesmaids arrive. Go to nail salon. M.o.H., Bride's mom, and Aunt Kim are there. Sing songs from "Glee."

11:20am-Leave nail salon with hands lookin' good. Sing songs from "Glee." The rain has stopped.

11:30am-Arrive at Bagel Station for some food. Mom (mine) meets us there.

12:30pm-Leave Bagel Station, take Bride and M.o.H. home to get ready for their hair appointment, go to JoAnn Fabrics for cake knife and server. The sun has begun to shine.

1:15pm-Quick run to Target for some hair clips and heat protection spray (for hair).

1:30pm-Back home, get everything together.

2:00pm-Leave for Arts United Center to get ready.

2:15pm-Arrive at Arts United Center, greet photographer and two other bridesmaids.

2:20pm-Finish decorating.

2:30pm-Start styling hair. This will continue until 5:00pm.

3:00pm-Bride and M.o.H. arrive from the hair dresser with their mom. All are looking pretty snazzy.

3:18pm-Bride gets a phone call from the string quartet, advising her to move the wedding to the indoor location (at the Arts United Center). Bride talks to Groom. The decision is made to have an indoor wedding. Phone calls are made to family, friends, and the chair rental company.

3:30pm-Start applying makeup.

4:30pm-Indoor rehearsal. Yes, Bride and Groom saw each other before the ceremony.

5:00pm-Back to the dressing rooms to get dressed.

5:15pm-Walk out of dressing room to see Groom (Brother) and parents. Big hugs, pictures, tears.

5:40pm-Bridesmaids and Bride photos in the dressing room. Leave dressing room.

5:45pm-Bride and Groom, now both fully dressed, talk privately (with the photographer) about what to do about the limo and pictures.

6:05pm-Walk to the ceremony location.

6:10pm-String quartet gives the cue, walk down the stairs, take Alex's arm, and walk down the aisle.

6:12pm-Canon in D. Bride and her dad walk down the stairs. Outside the sun is shining, but the rain is pouring down. Thunder. Lots of tears.

Ceremony: Trading in one sibling for two. Life together takes on a different meaning. Dad (officiant) "With the power vested in me..." Groom "This is it!"

"Mr. and Mrs. Andrew and Allie Swanson."

Tears, smiles, take Alex's arm again and walk back down the aisle. Huddle with the wedding party. Hop in the limo for a quick spin around town.

Back to the AUC, pictures with grandparents, up the stairs to the reception. Not much of an entrance. Best Man announces Bride and Groom.

Find a table, get food, talk to family and friends. Best Man speech, M.o.H. speech, Bride and Groom speech, Alex speech. Finish eating, cake, more chatting with family and friends. Pictures, awkwardness.

Head outside with the bridal party and the parents for more pictures. Mosquitoes and fireflies.

The license gets signed, we all head out. Home, change, over to Marklands'. Awkward eye contact with an old friend.

12:30-Home. Sleep.

And that was my day as a bridesmaid.

my body isn't quite ready to shut down.

I am exhausted.

I was out last night until 12:30, which is later than I've been out in a few weeks. Didn't go to bed until maybe an hour later.

I got up at 10:00 today. Last night I figured out a schedule for cleaning my room.

I couldn't even stick to the first hour, which wasn't even cleaning.

I ate some pasta.

I ate some Sour Patch Kids and some Swedish Fish.

I drank some Arizona Sweet Tea and some coffee.

(I did make some progress on the cleaning.)

My body was whacked out tonight. I desperately needed protein, but I didn't have anything to eat before worship team practice. Nor did I take water with me. All I had was coffee. Needless to say, I was looking forward to going out after Next Level.

Of course, I got soda to drink. But the wings definitely did.

Watching the Lakers win did nothing to help. Boo. Not a fan of Kobe. Don't get me wrong, he's a talented ball player. I just don't want to watch him strut and swagger all over the place.

Unfortunately, the caffeine in my system is keeping me awake. I'm yawning up a storm, and I'm hoping that lying down will help.

On another note, God is really great.

Today's reasons for saying that:

1. Successful surgery for Nate Pelz!! The tumor is gone, and he'll be out of the hospital in a few days. Such an incredible answer to prayer. Read about Nate's Big Fight.

2. Progress on an actual friendship with someone I haven't quite figured out.

3. Good talk with Evan last night, plus Mythbusters Top 25 Countdown and a fixed necklace at Paul's house.

4. Renewed passion.

5. The high probability of a chat this weekend about China.

Okay. It's time to try to sleep.

P.S. My brother is married. I've got a post in the works about that.