Christmas List 2011

Yes, I'm doing this again.
Mostly because it tells my parents what I want and why I want it.
And it gives you, my readers, a chance to prove how much you love me.
Don't feel obligated.

1. Kindle Touch 3G. I think. I've come to the conclusion that it would be more practical for carrying around than all of my books, and it would be so much cooler to pull out in class. And the features for the Touch 3G sound amazing.

2. A new computer. Or for my computer to miraculously work again. I can't open iTunes, Chrome, or Spotify, and I can't leave it on and unused for very long without it freezing. It's getting very annoying.

3. Cake decorating supplies like pastry bags, tips, sprinkles, sparkles, dragees, etc. I have a wedding to bake for next summer and I want to do it right.

4. Knitting needles. I can only work on one project at a time right now, and that is not gonna work for much longer.

5. This Is Not A Book, by Keri Smith. Smith has a whole series of non-traditional journals that I love. Each page gives instructions that cause the reader to be creative and fun.

6. Flour, sugar, eggs, oil, milk, cream, butter, cream cheese, salt, baking soda, baking powder, espresso powder, peanut butter, high-quality chocolate. Really, anything I will need to test recipes for the wedding. A lot of it.

7. Send animals through Heifer International.

8. Plane tickets to London for February 26-March 3. Melisa is going to be at Oxford next semester and I want to visit her. And go back to the country that still has my heart.

9. A way to get to Portland, OR and a place to stay once I get there. July.

10. A car.

11. A knife set. Not in a wooden block.

This is not an exhaustive list.
And it's really selfish.
Except for the animals thing.
But this is my blog, so I'll post what I want.
Better post coming soon.

old notecards

About six months ago I sat at SG, planning to do homework but getting distracted.
I was thinking too much.
I was searching for anything to do that meant I didn't have to do homework.
So I pulled out my Crayola Twistables Colored Pencils and a stack of 3x5 cards.
I started writing, sketching, journaling, confessing, dreaming.
I was angry at boys but still wanted to love them.
I was confused.
I was hurting and broken after a long couple of months.

My friend Brian came over and talked to me.
I let him read the cards and he gave me some good, practical advice.
And then I put the cards back into my bag and didn't think about them.

I pull them out occasionally and laugh at the things I was thinking.
But they remind me of my hurt and frustration.
I looked at them a few minutes ago.
I was reminded of my appreciation for a friend who came into my life at just the right moment.
I was reminded of what I thought was love for another friend who is not really a friend.
I was reminded of the confusion of that time.

"Too many thoughts to decide
which ones to write down.
Too little certainty to think
about anything for too long.
Too much heartache to hope
for my cloudy mind to clear.
Too near to him to let any-
thing show or to even speak.
Too much love that is not really
love to know what is really real."
4-25-11

Oh, that night.
Oh, this night of honesty.
Oh, frustration.

Sometimes my history books make me laugh.

"The assumption is twofold: the American female was supposed to be so infinitely lovable and provocative that a healthy male could barely control himself when in the same room with her, and the same girl, as she "conies out" of the cocoon of her family's protectiveness, is so palpitating with undirected affection, so filled to the brim with tender feelings, that she fixes her love on the first person she sees. She awakes from the midsummer night's dream of adolescence, and it is the responsibility of her family and society to see that her eyes fall on a suitable match and not some clown with the head of an ass. They do their part by such restrictive measures as segregated (by sex and/or class) schools, dancing classes, travel, and other external controls. She is required to exert the inner control of obedience. The combination forms a kind of societal chastity belt which is not unlocked until the marriage partner has arrived, and adolescence is formally over."

-Barbara Welter
Quoted in Howard Zinn's A People's History of the United States