About six months ago I sat at SG, planning to do homework but getting distracted.
I was thinking too much.
I was searching for anything to do that meant I didn't have to do homework.
So I pulled out my Crayola Twistables Colored Pencils and a stack of 3x5 cards.
I started writing, sketching, journaling, confessing, dreaming.
I was angry at boys but still wanted to love them.
I was confused.
I was hurting and broken after a long couple of months.
My friend Brian came over and talked to me.
I let him read the cards and he gave me some good, practical advice.
And then I put the cards back into my bag and didn't think about them.
I pull them out occasionally and laugh at the things I was thinking.
But they remind me of my hurt and frustration.
I looked at them a few minutes ago.
I was reminded of my appreciation for a friend who came into my life at just the right moment.
I was reminded of what I thought was love for another friend who is not really a friend.
I was reminded of the confusion of that time.
"Too many thoughts to decide
which ones to write down.
Too little certainty to think
about anything for too long.
Too much heartache to hope
for my cloudy mind to clear.
Too near to him to let any-
thing show or to even speak.
Too much love that is not really
love to know what is really real."
4-25-11
Oh, that night.
Oh, this night of honesty.
Oh, frustration.
I was thinking too much.
I was searching for anything to do that meant I didn't have to do homework.
So I pulled out my Crayola Twistables Colored Pencils and a stack of 3x5 cards.
I started writing, sketching, journaling, confessing, dreaming.
I was angry at boys but still wanted to love them.
I was confused.
I was hurting and broken after a long couple of months.
My friend Brian came over and talked to me.
I let him read the cards and he gave me some good, practical advice.
And then I put the cards back into my bag and didn't think about them.
I pull them out occasionally and laugh at the things I was thinking.
But they remind me of my hurt and frustration.
I looked at them a few minutes ago.
I was reminded of my appreciation for a friend who came into my life at just the right moment.
I was reminded of what I thought was love for another friend who is not really a friend.
I was reminded of the confusion of that time.
"Too many thoughts to decide
which ones to write down.
Too little certainty to think
about anything for too long.
Too much heartache to hope
for my cloudy mind to clear.
Too near to him to let any-
thing show or to even speak.
Too much love that is not really
love to know what is really real."
4-25-11
Oh, that night.
Oh, this night of honesty.
Oh, frustration.
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