The Post About "Ring By Spring."

Katie (Roommate) was talking this morning about how much she is helped by journaling. She takes all of the thoughts that are weighing her down and puts them on paper. The burden becomes lighter.
This is what blogging does for me. So, this is a post in which I get really honest about what's going on in my heart.

"Ring by spring is a goal set by some Bethel women to get engaged by the end of spring semester of their senior year. Some women even make it a competition among their lady friends to see who can get engaged first and finally claim that MRS degree they've been working so hard for. Some girls figure that college is just one of those prenuptial hoops they have to jump through in order to reel in their husband. Sounds pretty desperate to me." -Robby Rasbaugh in Stuff Bethel Students Like (Page 71)

A few years ago I wrote a post about why I (probably) wouldn't date in college. I really enjoy looking back to 18-year-old me and seeing how smart I thought I was.

So that you don't have to read the whole post, here's where I ended:

"I came to school planning to not date first semester.my mom's Aunt Ellen and my Grandma (Dad's mom) told me, independently of each other, that we'd be planning my wedding in eight years.I'm not much for signs but I think I can accept that as reasonable.I know, it seems to me that that's an awfully long time to wait.but now it seems to make sense.especially if I'm not going to date for the next four years. 

I'm not saying that I'm giving up dating.or that I won't want to date.or that anyone shouldn't pursue me. (ha! right. it's only the third full week. please don't pursue me now. if anyone was planning to.)I'm only saying that God is enough for me.and if He doesn't want me to date, I won't date."

And I haven't dated. I've come close and had it fizzle. I've been interested in more guys than I care to acknowledge. I've had a few guys show interest in me.

I wasn't trying to stick with that pseudo-decision I made on 16 September 2009. In fact, I've spent a significant amount of time and energy trying to get the opposite to happen. They tell us that the "best way to a man's heart is through his stomach." I've been baking since freshman year, and it has gotten me nothing. Not that getting a man is the only reason I bake.

But, alas, I remain single.

I've thought off and on for the past three years about the idea of "ring by spring," but not until this year did I realize that the pressure's on.

Here's the "Average Experience of an Average Bethel Student."

For those who are just starting on their Bethel career, breathe. Stop that panic attack before it even starts.
For those like me, who are entering their final year, breathe.
I mean, some of you are already married.
Some of you followed this timeline pretty closely.

I didn't.
Some of the events that were supposed to happen freshman year didn't happen at all.
I didn't get a car until this summer.
I've never really had a job.
I'm not a super impressive human being.

But I would like to direct your attention to the end of the timeline.
The summer after senior year.
When 17 of your Bethel friends get married and you, as a single person, realize that your time has run out.

I've been annoying Stephanie (and a number of freshman girls) all week with my complaints about a stupid boy who won't love me.
I sound like a 16-year-old.
But I'm frustrated, because I've been trying for too long to make this happen and I already feel like I've lost any hope that I might have had.

Just to be fair to a certain someone who might be reading this going "you had a chance with me and you blew it!," yes, I did have a chance. And if God changes my heart, I'll let you know. For now, it kills me that I might have hurt you, and I can't see you without wanting to cry. So, that's out there.

Here's the deal: I don't really know what I want to do with my life.
Maybe I will go overseas.
Okay, I'll probably go overseas.
I don't know where or when or what I'll do.
I don't know whether I'll be an official "missionary" or just someone who loves Jesus and wants to influence the culture for Him.
(I'm leaning toward the latter.)

And yes, there's a guy I'm interested in. Is it worth it? I doubt it.
Especially since Aunt Ellen and Grandma have given me a few more years.

I don't know.
But now you know that I'm feeling the pressure.

Because I'm a girl and I'm living with freshmen who are freaking out because it's the third weekend that they've lived here and they do or don't have guys to invite over to Shupe for open dorms.

Because I've heard the stories about how difficult it is to meet guys when you don't see them in class and chapel and at every meal and on the sidewalks and at Tradewinds and at Kroger and everywhere else in this ridiculous town. I'm not the kind of person who is going to go to bars to meet guys (after I graduate).

Because, although I know there's a disclaimer at the beginning of that timeline, I also know that there's some truth to it.

Because that's just who I am.

Welcome to my life.