The "Lasts."

I'm at the end of a semester.
I have three final exams to take, plus a portfolio.
And then I get to go home for my last Christmas Break.

I'm currently sitting on a couch in the Science Building, waiting for the next band to arrive.
This is my last time judging Battle of the Bands auditions.
This is my last Battle of the Bands.
This is an event that I helped create. I have been a judge for every audition. I love this tradition, and I am so thankful that I've been a part of it.

This is my last Fall Semester Finals Week.
I went to my last Christmas chapel on Wednesday and sang "Silent Night" by candlelight with my fellow Bethel students, led by our president and his wife for the last time on Friday.
I dressed as an elf for my last Campus Christmas Party on Thursday.
I went to my last class with DB on Monday.
I celebrated my last first snow at Bethel on Monday, too.

Winter is always a melancholy time for me, so the heartache of these lasts is amplified by the usual funk.
I feel like I could cry at any second, and I do. Often. And without shame.

I'm beginning to tire of realizing that I'm leaving.
I live with a bunch of freshmen, and I'm not going to be around to see them "grow up."
(Ladies, I don't mean to make it sound like you're children, but I really do feel like a mom or a big sister or something when I think about how much you're going to change over the next three and a half years. You're already so different than you were when we first met in August, and I can't wait to see what next semester will bring.)

I just don't feel like I've gotten any older. I'm still that shy, awkward kid with social problems that I can't quite figure out.

So here's my last chance. I want to leave this place better than it was when I got here in 2009.
I want to leave a legacy when I graduate, and I want it to really matter.
I want to be proud of what I've done during my time here.
And I don't want to forget the lasts.