birthdays and facebook.

My birthday is a week from tomorrow
And I keep forgetting about it.

No one is around to remind me of it, so there isn't the excitement that there usually is.
I won't be with my family on my birthday this year.
I probably won't even be on the same continent as my family next year.

For some people, this is normal.
For me, it's one more first of college life.
I don't think I like the number of things that I have to get used to.
And then it will all change again.

I don't like that facebook is the way we know about people's birthdays anymore.
I remember the days when we actually had to remember these details about our friends' lives.
But facebook cannot be trusted. Rather, tricky facebook users cannot always be trusted.
People enter incorrect birthdays all the time.
I've been engaged on facebook more than once, and it was "complicated" with a friend of mine over the summer.
Some of our friends actually thought we were together.

I hate facebook. I don't like what it has become.
I don't like that anyone with an e-mail address can join.
I don't like that fan pages exist for everything under the sun.
There are fan pages about hating fan pages. Come on. Really?
I have been on facebook once in the past week, and only then because I thought I might have gotten an important message.
Yes, I have missed birthdays, and I apologize for that.
But I remembered birthdays, too.
Because I cared enough, because I was reminded, because it mattered.

I have eight days left of being 18.
Then I enter two years of awkward, in-between ages.
19 is the age of high school sophomores' too-old boyfriends.
20 is just weird.
But I'll be stuck with them.

And now it's time to go to Logic class.
What a joyous moment.

a six hour nap and not doing Agape.

This morning, the Bethel Women's Chorale performed at College Park Missionary Church.
They gave us lunch and I ate more than I should have. But it was delicious, so I don't really care.

Jamie and I got back to the room, changed out of our dresses, and climbed into our beds.
James got up around 2:00 to go to the Spanish service at College Park.
I slept.
I woke up to go to the bathroom.
My abdomen (This is where I give my mother that look. She knows what it means. And I'm sure you can figure it out.) was killing me, and I thought a hot shower would help.
It didn't.
I went back to bed.
I was going to get up at 6:00 so I could do homework before leading Agape Fire tonight.
(Which is supposed to start six minutes from when I'm typing this.)
My alarm went off, I quieted it and went back to sleep.
Mom texted me around 7:30, I think, asking me how I was doing.
We talked for a while, and I read Alice's Adventures in Wonderland.
Then I decided that it was probably time to get up, eat something, put on some real clothes (as opposed to sweats) and do some homework.
I'm not really feeling much better, not well enough to walk across campus so I decided not to do Agape.
So not I sit in the Great Room, still not doing the homework that Dr. Stump is so graciously allowing me to turn in late.
It will get done, even though I don't really understand what's going on.
("This is what office hours are for, Swanson." "I know, I know.")

Also, I'm having a serious craving for Chinese food.

cute couples.

this is not going to go where you think it's going.
And, of course, it started in my World Lit class today.


I love watching couples. What I really love about it is pointing out how two people really don't go together.
Sometimes, one person is really attractive and the other is mediocre at best.
Sometimes they just aren't cute together. Like, they interact awkwardly, or they don't look good together.
My least favorite couples are the ones that aren't balanced. Like, she likes him a lot more than he likes her. It's not fair to anyone if one person is doing all the work and is carrying the other.


I have talked about my rings in the past. The Rock reminds me of what is to come after this life.


In class today we talked about "The Overcoat," by Nikolai Gogol. (This is not the translation we read.) The main character, Akaky, needs a new overcoat. The one he currently owns is worn out, tattered, and not attractive. Akaky goes to the tailor and is told that he must buy a new coat. The two characters decide on a price and Akaky decides that he has something to work for. The idea of the coat gives his life a purpose.


Robby had us talk about this idea of looking forward to something, being focused on a goal, and making everything you do about achieving that goal.


I talked about my ring, about mismatched couples, about being a worthy bride.
I don't want to be an ugly bride, standing next to the beautiful Bridegroom.
I want people to look at my life and think "yeah, she and Jesus look good together."
That's a weird image, I know. What I mean is, I don't want it to seem like Jesus is doing all the work. Yes, Jesus saved my life. I can't do anything that comes even close to that. But I can give my life to him.
I can live in the way he described when he walked this earth.


"His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires."


Peter wrote before there was a New Testament. "Everything we need" did not include the Bible that we have today. These people had the Old Testament and some guys who wrote them letters. Most importantly, they had the Holy Spirit. Yes, Scripture is very important. But if you are listening for the Holy Spirit and are willing to let God's will take hold of your life, He will direct you in His ways. He won't tell you anything that is in conflict with His word. It is important to know Scripture so that you can be sure that what you are hearing is from God.

This is starting to stray from my original point.

I want to be a worthy bride for Christ.
To do this, I must live as he wants me to.

Marilynn Ham and my sister.

Marilynn Ham, piano professor and Artist-in-Residence, music arranger and composer, and delightful woman came to my Perspectives in Fine Arts class on Wednesday to share her talent with us. One of the pieces she played for us was her arrangement of "He's Got The Whole World." She got to a section that I can only assume was the verse about the "little, tiny babies." It was very much like a lullaby. I began thinking about the lyrics and about my sister Kathryn.

My sister died two years before I was born. She had a genetic disorder called Trisomy 18 Syndrome. She lived for five weeks during the summer of 1989 and died in my dad's arms.

"He's got the little, tiny babies in His hands."

As I thought about this, about how true it is, and how well my parents understood it, tears came to my eyes.
I tried to not let them spill over because I thought that might make my professor ask me to share with the class. If I started talking, I'd start crying and it would be a big mess and I'd be embarrassed to go to that class ever again.

As she was being formed in our mother's womb, as her tiny body was affected by her disease, as she fought for life every day, God held my sister in His hands.

I usually think of Kate as my baby sister. The only pictures of her that exist are of an infant girl. But my sister would be twenty years old.

I don't know how we will look or what age we will seem when we get to Heaven. I'm sure my sister will not be a baby for Eternity. I hope I will recognize her when I see her.

Now, I should probably stop sitting in a metal chair while a thunderstorm rolls into town.