be intentional.

I've been in conversations lately about life, and a common theme seems to be the importance of being intentional.
I currently have three verbal agreements with people to become better friends. For two of them, I made simple friendship bracelets. The responses were quite different, but the intentionality of the act was noted in both cases. Because I spend time at Sufficient Grounds on Tuesday and Thursday nights, I have time each week to talk to the third new friend. We spend a few minutes a couple times a week catching up on life, and that works for us.

Today I had lunch with yet another friend. The class we usually have after chapel was cancelled for today, so I decided that lunch was a perfect alternative.

During our conversation, we talked about being intentional. We've both recently realized the need to make an effort to build relationships. We're both fairly shy and introverted people, so this doesn't come naturally. It's a learning experience.

As we explored the subject, he brought up the need to be intentional in our relationship with God. If we don't do anything, the relationship won't grow. And we can't come to God on our own terms. I spent way too much time trying to fit God into my life, when what I really needed to do was submit my life wholly to Him. He gave me my life, so what right do I have to try to hold on to any part of it. What happened on our campus a week ago was not of human planning. I did not choose to be prompted very clearly by the Holy Spirit to confess a very personal sin. I could only choose to say "yes." God wants all of us at all times, not just when it is convenient to us. All things are His, all times are His. But He won't always hit us over the head in such a powerful way. We do need to seek Him and His will. We need to practice the spiritual disciplines of prayer, reading Scripture, fasting, silence before God, etc.

We can't expect relationship (and I use that word generally, please do not infer romance) to just happen whether with God or with humans. It takes work. It takes effort. It takes sacrifice. It takes saying "Hey, do you want to have lunch tomorrow?" It takes asking questions and actually listening and offering suggestions and accepting wise counsel. Relationship takes being intentional.

renewal.

For some individuals, the event that started on Wednesday and is continuing has earned the title "revival."
I do not doubt that this is a well-earned descriptor. There has been spiritual death on this campus, and I believe that some individuals have been and are being brought back to life. For most of the rest of us, this has been a time of renewal. I choose to use this word to describe what is taking place.

For those who don't know what I'm talking about, let me fill you in. Jeff Kling, former Bethel student, shared his testimony of how God healed him and changed his life. Please read Jeff's story here. When he was finished, he wasn't quite sure of how to close the service. Dr. Dennis Engbrecht joined him on stage and said that he didn't know how to close either. I'm pretty sure he asked us to be silent, and invited anyone with a word from the LORD to come up and share it. A few students went to the stage, and dozens went down to the altar. This time of confession continued for over 7 hours. Confession came in two ways: confession of sin, and confession of Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior.

I went to the stage. I have known for several months that, if this type of event happened at Bethel during my time there (and I had a feeling it would happen soon), I would have to talk about my battle with masturbation. When I thought about it, I got nervous, but I always knew that I would have perfect peace when it came down to it. A friend of mine got up and talked about how no one ever talks to girls about lust and impure thoughts. I knew at that moment that I could not sit in my seat any longer. I stood up, leaned over to my friend to tell her that I was going to go tell everyone about my life, and walked around the auditorium to join the line of students who were waiting to share. Satan was doing everything he could to get me to sit down. He has always loved to use shame and fear in my life. But the Holy Spirit gave me the peace that cannot be understood. He allowed me to speak clearly and without fear of judgement. When Dennis asked me to pray, I did not have to search for words.

I ended up sitting in the auditorium until 2:40, and then I went to get ready for work. When I got to the office a little before 3, Joye was watching the live feed of chapel. I stood there and watched with her for a while, and then I went upstairs and watched with Erica and Susan for almost two hours. I did some work, but mostly we watched and talked. It was amazing to be able to talk openly with them. I went back to the auditorium around 4:45, and stayed until Dennis closed around 5:30. During the 7 hours, several others, both guys and girls, shared about their struggles with lust and masturbation. Girls have been talking to me about their struggle and their desire to start a small group to talk about freedom. I know that God wants this to happen, and I believe that He is calling me to be a leader.

The Holy Spirit has renewed our faith and our joy. He has answered Lamentations 5:21. He returned to us the "joys that we once had." He has assured us that we do not believe in nothing or for nothing. He has given us a taste of what it will be like to worship Him face to face. He has spoken into our darkness and brought us to light and to life. For some who were lost, this truly is a revival. For those who were slipping away, this is a renewal. For those who were right with God, this is a time of joy and thankfulness and welcoming to the returning brothers and sisters. Meetings have continued to happen for the past couple of days. This is a wonderful thing, but I hope that we are not doing this for the sake of emotion or anything like that. I haven't had that sense, so don't think that I am discouraging meeting together. I know that it is commanded and important. I know that I need to take time on my own to process this, though.

I am thankful to God for pouring out his Spirit and power on our campus. I am thankful for the courage to share something that could have been humiliating for me. I am thankful for the ways that I have seen Him work in the lives of friends and strangers. I am thankful for the work that He is doing in my family. I am thankful that Spring Break is next week and that I will be able to share this experience with my friends and family.

Now I need to leave SG and go write a paper. Tomorrow starts at 6:30 with Praise and Pancakes. I'm excited.

Glory to God.

I like Tuesdays.

I get up between 7:00 and 7:30.
I go to my 8:00 class and listen and sometimes talk and sometimes write notes to people and sometimes write out a plan for my life.

Then I go back to my room to clean, just in case we have tours come through. During this time I watch "Greek."

My schedule says that I'm supposed to read my Lifespan Development book. Today, I definitely did that. I spent about four hours studying today. I never study, but I sure needed to.

And it paid off. I felt awesome about that test. I know that I won't get a perfect score, but I will get an A.

Then we started the lecture, and we're in early childhood now. Everyone who expects to be a parent someday should learn this stuff.

After class, I come over to SG to write and read and hang out. It's fun to just be here.

Sidenote: Bad fake British accents annoy me like you wouldn't believe. When the person doesn't realize that it's bad, I feel awful for laughing. When he/she thinks it's good and uses it all the time, that's just pathetic and it really ticks me off. I'm ready to be surrounded by British people. We leave in 83 days.

May 10^th T   Fly from Chicago to Heathrow (London)

          May 11^th W  Drive to Oxford & stay/tour in that area (which includes Stratford)

          May 12^th Th Tour Oxford & its area & visit C. S. Lewis home (if possible)

          May 13^th F   Drive/tour to Winchester area & visit J. Austen home & Win. Cathedral

          May 14^th Sa Tour West Country including Stonehenge & Bath

          May 15h Su Go to London (drop vans at Heathrow), worship at Westminster & enjoy

           a free day seeing London on our own (in small groups!)

          May 16^th M  Free day in London (Globe Theater a possibility today or later in week)

          May 17^th T   Join EF “The British Isles” tour

          May 18

 

 - London          May 19 London

                Take a guided tour of London:
                   Big Ben and Houses of Parliament                   Piccadilly Circus                   St. Paul’s Cathedral
                   Changing of the Guard at Buckingham Palace (if scheduled)               Take a guided excursion to Windsor
               Attend an evening theater performance

         May 20 London

               Enjoy free time in London

         May 21 Oxford • Stratford

               Take a guided tour of Oxford
               Visit New College
               Take a guided tour of Stratford
               Visit Shakespeare’s birthplace

         May 22 York

Visit Warwick Castle
Travel to York

         May 23 Edinburgh

            Travel to Edinburgh via Hadrian’s Wall at Housesteads
            Visit Housesteads Fort and Museum

         May 24 Edinburgh

            Take a guided tour of Edinburgh:
                 New Town                Calton Hill
               Holyroodhouse            Visit Edinburgh Castle
            Enjoy a free afternoon in Edinburgh
           Optional: Literary Walking Tour

          May 24^th T   Fly from Edinburgh to Chicago (& return to BC)

This might change a little. Hamlet and All's Well That Ends Well are playing at The Globe this season.

"We Will Rock You" is playing at The West End. (And the rights aren't available in the States anymore.)

I will spend a lot of money. And I will take a lot of pictures. If I have internet access (and I probably will) I will write to you, my readers.

That was a long sidenote.

I have homework to do tonight.

I need to figure out chords and an arrangement for the Alma Mater.

But this break that I take is nice.

It's Pilot Olymipics week! (The shirts were printed incorrectly last year and we decided to embrace it.)

The events have been running smoothly as far as I can tell.

Battle of the Bands is Friday night at 7:00. Come on out and support Release II, Scout and the Finches, Dukes of Argyll, and Trash the Dress! These bands are all very different and very talented. I'm pumped to see how the audience enjoys them and votes. I'm also pumped to perform and to sit on a panel of "judges." I'm glad the audience decides the winner. I wouldn't be able to.

I'm going to get kicked out of this place pretty soon, so I'll wrap this up.

Life is confusing right now, but only because I keep deciding that it should be.

Alma Mater, prepare to be destroyed by my version of punk-rock.

On a piano. (Don't worry, it will be on an electric guitar for Friday.)

I was not expecting that.

Tonight in Lifespan Development, Ted showed us a video that honored the life of Eliot Mooney. Eliot's parents found out that he had Trisomy 18.

Nine seconds into this video, I knew that I was not going to make it to the end without crying. And I did not expect that to happen when I walked into class.

If you are a frequent reader of my blog, you know that I have posted more than once about my sister. Rather than explain the story, which will bring me to tears once again, I will just post the links.

Most recently: Sept. 1 (Last year.)
Last March: Marilynn Ham and my sister

For a long time, I've felt very alone in this situation. I have never talked to my brother about it, and I've only known one other person who had a sibling with Trisomy 18. I have done enough research to know that it's not that uncommon, but I haven't known many people who are willing to talk about it. So I've felt stuck in my struggle with grief and confusion.

As the video went on, and the narrator told Eliot how old he was, I began to get jealous. He lived for 99 days. Over 3 months. My parents got five weeks. I sat in class and was angry with these parents, with that child, and with God, for giving them so much more time.

Then, as Eliot's death was announced (and I knew it would be, because I know the disease), and the narrator described the way God had worked and how we are only separated by the rest of our earthly lives, I realized that my jealousy and anger were completely ridiculous.
I had no reason to have those feelings. This family went through exactly what my family went through. And Eliot and Kate and all of the other babies who have died of Trisomy 18 are all together with Jesus. And all their parents can't wait to see them again. And many of them have younger siblings like me, who wish they had known them and who will run to meet them when they are at last united in Eternity. Maybe I'm stepping on some theological toes here, but I want to believe that we'll all have a big gathering at some point, all of us who have been affected by this disease. But I know that if that doesn't happen, it won't matter, because everything will be perfect anyway.

I am not alone in these circumstances. I can no longer live as a lonely victim.

I learned a profound lesson in 6 minutes and 11 seconds.

I was not expecting that when I walked into class tonight.
But I'm very glad that it happened.