a day in the life of this bridesmaid.

12:30am-Go to bed after a good day of decorating, a successful rehearsal at the outdoor location (Lakeside Rose Gardens), and a delicious dinner at Flat Top Grill.

9:00am-Wake up to discover that it's raining. Say a quick but earnest prayer that it goes away. Let the dog out, eat breakfast.

9:30am-Get dressed, straighten hair, drink some coffee.

10:10am-Bride and two other bridesmaids arrive. Go to nail salon. M.o.H., Bride's mom, and Aunt Kim are there. Sing songs from "Glee."

11:20am-Leave nail salon with hands lookin' good. Sing songs from "Glee." The rain has stopped.

11:30am-Arrive at Bagel Station for some food. Mom (mine) meets us there.

12:30pm-Leave Bagel Station, take Bride and M.o.H. home to get ready for their hair appointment, go to JoAnn Fabrics for cake knife and server. The sun has begun to shine.

1:15pm-Quick run to Target for some hair clips and heat protection spray (for hair).

1:30pm-Back home, get everything together.

2:00pm-Leave for Arts United Center to get ready.

2:15pm-Arrive at Arts United Center, greet photographer and two other bridesmaids.

2:20pm-Finish decorating.

2:30pm-Start styling hair. This will continue until 5:00pm.

3:00pm-Bride and M.o.H. arrive from the hair dresser with their mom. All are looking pretty snazzy.

3:18pm-Bride gets a phone call from the string quartet, advising her to move the wedding to the indoor location (at the Arts United Center). Bride talks to Groom. The decision is made to have an indoor wedding. Phone calls are made to family, friends, and the chair rental company.

3:30pm-Start applying makeup.

4:30pm-Indoor rehearsal. Yes, Bride and Groom saw each other before the ceremony.

5:00pm-Back to the dressing rooms to get dressed.

5:15pm-Walk out of dressing room to see Groom (Brother) and parents. Big hugs, pictures, tears.

5:40pm-Bridesmaids and Bride photos in the dressing room. Leave dressing room.

5:45pm-Bride and Groom, now both fully dressed, talk privately (with the photographer) about what to do about the limo and pictures.

6:05pm-Walk to the ceremony location.

6:10pm-String quartet gives the cue, walk down the stairs, take Alex's arm, and walk down the aisle.

6:12pm-Canon in D. Bride and her dad walk down the stairs. Outside the sun is shining, but the rain is pouring down. Thunder. Lots of tears.

Ceremony: Trading in one sibling for two. Life together takes on a different meaning. Dad (officiant) "With the power vested in me..." Groom "This is it!"

"Mr. and Mrs. Andrew and Allie Swanson."

Tears, smiles, take Alex's arm again and walk back down the aisle. Huddle with the wedding party. Hop in the limo for a quick spin around town.

Back to the AUC, pictures with grandparents, up the stairs to the reception. Not much of an entrance. Best Man announces Bride and Groom.

Find a table, get food, talk to family and friends. Best Man speech, M.o.H. speech, Bride and Groom speech, Alex speech. Finish eating, cake, more chatting with family and friends. Pictures, awkwardness.

Head outside with the bridal party and the parents for more pictures. Mosquitoes and fireflies.

The license gets signed, we all head out. Home, change, over to Marklands'. Awkward eye contact with an old friend.

12:30-Home. Sleep.

And that was my day as a bridesmaid.

my body isn't quite ready to shut down.

I am exhausted.

I was out last night until 12:30, which is later than I've been out in a few weeks. Didn't go to bed until maybe an hour later.

I got up at 10:00 today. Last night I figured out a schedule for cleaning my room.

I couldn't even stick to the first hour, which wasn't even cleaning.

I ate some pasta.

I ate some Sour Patch Kids and some Swedish Fish.

I drank some Arizona Sweet Tea and some coffee.

(I did make some progress on the cleaning.)

My body was whacked out tonight. I desperately needed protein, but I didn't have anything to eat before worship team practice. Nor did I take water with me. All I had was coffee. Needless to say, I was looking forward to going out after Next Level.

Of course, I got soda to drink. But the wings definitely did.

Watching the Lakers win did nothing to help. Boo. Not a fan of Kobe. Don't get me wrong, he's a talented ball player. I just don't want to watch him strut and swagger all over the place.

Unfortunately, the caffeine in my system is keeping me awake. I'm yawning up a storm, and I'm hoping that lying down will help.

On another note, God is really great.

Today's reasons for saying that:

1. Successful surgery for Nate Pelz!! The tumor is gone, and he'll be out of the hospital in a few days. Such an incredible answer to prayer. Read about Nate's Big Fight.

2. Progress on an actual friendship with someone I haven't quite figured out.

3. Good talk with Evan last night, plus Mythbusters Top 25 Countdown and a fixed necklace at Paul's house.

4. Renewed passion.

5. The high probability of a chat this weekend about China.

Okay. It's time to try to sleep.

P.S. My brother is married. I've got a post in the works about that.

Things I Learned During My First Year of College

I haven't written anything in quite a while. I guess I haven't really been doing much, so I haven't had a craving to write about my life. But I've realized some things that I learned over the course of two semesters of college and I'd like to share them.

1. So, you've been wanting for two years to participate in something. Don't automatically expect God to let you do it when you want to do it. I have been interested the PacRim Semester Abroad since I first heard about it. When I was majoring in Spanish, I couldn't really justify it. I would have been expected to go to the DR and I don't think I could have fit all of my classes. Once I dropped that major, I realized that I could to the PacRim trip. I was thrilled. I decided that if the musical next spring wasn't "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat," I was going to do the trip. The musical is "Cinderella." Here's the problem with this: I made the decision. I was interested in the trip. Why? Because who wouldn't want to go to New Zealand, Australia, and China? *buzzer noise* Wrong answer. I should have wanted to go on the trip because I could feel God leading me there. At the moment, I have doubts about the trip. But I also have doubts about my doubts, so it's going to take a lot more praying and a conversation with a friend who has already said that he would try to talk me into the trip. I might still do the trip next spring, I might just be postponing it, or I might not do it at all. I am certain that God will call me to some sort of overseas travels during my college years. And I am certain that I will have no doubts about His call.

2. Just because you are in the FYE Block that is known for producing couples, don't expect to be half of one of those couples by the end of your freshman year. In the 16 years that Brother Tim and Maralee have been teaching Block 3, there have been something like 17 marriages and over 20 grandchildren. That is something that we learned in our very first meeting as a Block. And I'm sure I'm not the only one who looked around the room and wondered who I might end up with. I didn't end up with anyone. And that's okay. There have been hundreds of students through Block 3 in 16 years. And less than 40 of them have ended up together. I don't have to be one of them.

3. Don't decide that you're going to meet your future spouse during your freshman year. And when you meet someone you think is pretty awesome, give it some time before you start dating. Get to know how the person behaves in lots of situations. Of course, I didn't date, or almost date, anyone this year. Which was totally fine. And please, I beg of you, don't say "oh, we're not dating" while you're holding hands and making out all over the place. That's just not pleasant.

4. LEARN HOW TO GET YOUR WORK DONE BEFORE 3:00 IN THE MORNING, she says as  she's writing at 4:30. (I started writing this the other day.) I ended up in the hallway in the wee hours of the morning far too often. And it always came back around. Sleep is important. Sure, 12:00 will start to seem early. But when no one else's iTunes library is available and you have watched the list of people on facebook chat dwindle to four or five, you start to feel all alone in the world. That is not a good feeling. Your friends will understand if you don't say yes to hanging out every time. They have homework, too.

5. God really does have a great plan for your life. You just need to let Him take control. You don't actually have any control; you're just trying to have it. We ask God for His will to be done in our lives, all the while having an idea of what His will should be. We think that God's will for us will always be comfortable. That's just not going to happen. If God's will was always comfortable, we wouldn't know much of anything about the Waodani (Auca) tribe. Those five men wouldn't have been killed as they tried to make a connection with the natives. (I watched "End of the Spear" and "Beyond the Gates of Spendor" last month. It's a beautiful story.)


This list is far from exhaustive. I'm sure I will add to it as the summer goes on. And I'm hoping that I will have more to write about. I'm pretty sure that I will.

Buenas noches.

maybe not 10:30.

But certainly 11:30, at the latest.

I have finished the revision process.
I need to write introductions to both of the portfolios.
One of them is mostly done, and I need to go back to my room to get the instructions for the other.

But I'm in pretty good shape.
I'm not feeling frantic or rushed.
Personal deadlines are a good motivator.

The promise of a nap after I finish all of this is also a good motivator.
As is the plan to go to Chipotle tonight!!


I don't think I ever mentioned that I had been seeing the ghost of Greg Fox during the past month.
It seemed like every other day I would see someone who looked like him.
But then I would remind myself that Greg was at Oxford.

I walked into SG this morning and he was one of the first things I noticed.
The real Greg Fox, returned to North America.

Of course, I have never actually spoken to him in my life, so it would be weird for me to welcome him back and ask him about his semester, right.
Yes, it would. So I'm not saying anything.

And I'm working on this portfolio stuff, and he's talking to Chester.
So it would be very, very strange.

But, if by some unexpected stumbling you, Greg, find this post, I welcome you home.
And I really would enjoy hearing about your semester at Oxford.

Of course, I could just read your blog.

Now, back to my normal, not awkward at all writing.

revising.

for at least one of my LIT227 essays it has turned into a rewrite, adding a secondary source and restructuring the argument with a clear thesis.

I'm sitting in the hallway, waiting for the caffeine to kick in and for the words to flow.
I'll probably make coffee in about half an hour.

and I'm planning to stay up until I can get into the computer lab to print everything and put it all together.
I want to turn these things in by 10:30.

This is what I get for not following my schedule.
I wrote out what I was going to do for every day last week.
I had "revise essay" on there about five times, and I didn't do it at all.
So now it's Sunday night (Monday morning), the portfolios are due at noon (nine hours), and I have no desire to write.

Two and a half left: Illegal Immigration for PHIL150, and "The Torment of the Dream" and "Odysseus' Women" for LIT227. I'd say it's going pretty well. I've got some mint tea, some Landon Pigg, and my favorite laundry room smell.

that's all for now.

I can't solve your problems.

[This is going to be a thinly-veiled, completely selfish rant.]

Two of my friends just started dating.

I have been waiting for them to date for months.

They're pretty great together.

Several weeks ago, the guy dated another friend of mine.

He broke up with her, and I've heard her side of the story several times.

She never got over him.

She came to my room about an hour ago, upset that the guy started dating someone else.

She was hurt, and I understand that.

But I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

For the past couple of weeks, I have invested hours in this girl's life.

I have listened to her complaints of heartache.

But, quite frankly, I'm sick of it.

She is still in love with the boyfriend who broke up with her last fall.

She wouldn't admit it, but it's far too obvious.

Almost every conversation we have ends up being about her.
I can start telling a story about my life, and it always comes around to her love life.

I prefaced this by saying that I was going to be selfish, so I don't care how this sounds:

I just want to talk about me sometimes, maybe for like, two minutes.

Granted, she did listen to me tell two stories tonight, without interjecting.

I appreciated that.

But she seemed bored, like she didn't want to be listening.

And they were very good stories.

I climbed through a window at a professor's house yesterday.

(We had permission to be there, but the key didn't work.

And we really needed to get stuff from his basement.)

I love this girl like a sister.

I care about her.

But I don't want to listen to her talk about this anymore.

I've heard it and I understand and I've tried to empathize.

But because I've never been through it before, she won't listen to me when I tell her she needs to let it go.

She's just sick of being hurt and lied to.

"People will let you down," I tell her.

She doesn't get that I have been let down.

Just because I haven't had my heart broken in the way that she has, I'm not completely ignorant.

I don't know what she expects me to do for her.

I can't take all of her problems, in addition to my own.

God alone can fully understand, and I am clearly not God.

That's how I'm feeling right now: frustrated, annoyed, selfish, and helpless.

my birthday: the way I see it.

it's not that exciting.

Cassie made a big deal about it in psych today and everybody sang to me.
And I just sat there, not knowing what to do.
it seemed like everyone was more excited than I was.

I don't feel different.
I don't feel older.
it's pretty much just a Tuesday.

it's not even a good Tuesday.
I stayed up late last night, trying to finish reading a book for world lit.
then I got up early to meet with my advisor.
I tried again to finish the book.
it's my project for the afternoon.

yep. I'm going to spend my birthday reading a book that doesn't interest me.
I think that once I get into it, I might enjoy it, but as it is, I feel defeated.
my birthday doesn't mean that I get a break from life.

maybe today means something more to the people who remember that hot Saturday.
because I don't, it's just the day that marks another 365 and 1/4 rotations of the planet.

so, it's April 6, 2010.
I was born 19 years ago.

hooray.

(but happy birthday to Landon and Kris and Emma and Alex and Natalie and Matt Kitsos' wife and everyone else who is celebrating one more trip around the sun. I hope you all don't have such a bad attitude about today.)